Why the hell I’m losing my mind, when my sixth sense warns me about every possible failure which could come ahead. I’m deeply disappointed with myself. My behavior and guts has betrayed me.
Life has lost its meaning. Oh I wish if I could have taken it more serious. didn’t go well, if I wish somehow, I could have done the best things to have good communications with everyone. Such an embarrassment I mean why should I care what is done is gone. Why I am overthinking oh! Yes, I should read some book, console myself or just write something beautiful. See the sunset or perhaps I should take a nap. Maybe I should have gone to my dad’s office. This way I could have bring my mind to peace. Well I should have prepared the compering well enough and must have rehearsed it properly. I wish I could change the past.
What a shame, a disgrace to myself. How can I face those teachers? I certainly put my own reputation on stake. It is terribly lost. It took a lot of courage to bring my self-esteem back. Why did a person go half the way to the university and come back home for no reason? Burns the petrol and comeback like a loser. Such a confused personality I’m. I should never had attended that event. My life has now become a hell on earth. It must be because of my poor decision making. How would I face the campus faces? Staring at me. The critics. God help me. I’m tormented, ahh, lets watch something, some good movie to cheer me up. To make me feel better maybe I should have gone to a friend but wait I have no friends but my books. I’m a superman as” Nietzsche” portrait ed. Be strong, I’m feeling hungry I must eat something. I should get out of this cursed room. Oh man what should I do. I’m exaggerating again. Past is gone I can’t change it. I’m looking for an escape.
I know I have the potential to things more than anyone can do. I don’t know why I didn’t do it.
What a mess I’m, look at me, I’m full of shit: a person who has in his mind only madness. You should have proven yourself what your capable of doing. How can you led yourself down and others to look down towards you? Your lost, where are you? find yourself. Who are you? What have you done? Oh! I should have let it someone else took the role of hosting. How can I present myself with such stupidity? I have got no solution to my problem. And the anxiety. What an idiot What is this distress, I’m depressed. I cannot escape from these tormenting thoughts.
Oh Allah help me to overcome my fears and doubts. I need the confidence back. My mother is always worried about me, she thinks I’m a fool and spend lavishly. I have spent more than 2700 in a month. And I have no idea where it goes. Now I need some money again to buy a guitar with the name of God how I’m gona manage it.
I’m a disintegrated person. Like a damned soul I’m wondering in a bottomless abyss; which has no way out. Oh lord please help me. Human endurance such pains is incredible. I will overcome this time too. I have seen much worse than this. Let it show all the adversity obstacles, for sorrows are my continues friend. I have done nothing good today, such a wasted day. Each breath is heavy and I have wasted it all on these useless worries which are now in past. What will I do now? Can I be defeated?
Man can be destroyed but as long as he is standing he cannot be defeated says “Hemmingway” so, let it be my man, I’m gonna make it through. Cause I know I can.
Well! There is more to life. You know your goal. You’re a writer, hahah A writer who don’t know grammar who have receive dozens of rejections. Where is the winner? Enough sitting here on this itching chair, smoking cigarettes aimlessly, I’m going for some sleep ahh! There’s the bed the warmth of it I can still feel. Let dreams overcome this cruel reality and miserable life.