The clouds were heavy and dark as is the heart of a man, who is in severe pain and anguish. Where he is hopeless and full of lethargy. And the thunder bolts in the sky, the enormous roaring were no more different than the outcry of a dying man. Still in midst of all this there was still something pleasant, an amusement maybe, the grey cold blemishness that was in the air, from where the rain drops fall like the tears of a lover, a dreamer, and a sinner.
Life is only suffering and it has lost it’s meaning for me. And you too, for whom Life is lacking it’s meaning. For your always in a rush, always furious and always in the usual unrest. I don’t know about you but I’m weary of this life, that we call it a blessing, we love it and fear death as much as we can do.
I now find it hard to bear myself as a living entity. The child within me has left me in a great melancholy. I call you oh! my redeemer, my final hope to come and save me from this grown-up man. My youth is no better, for a child know how to live and how to die freely without any fear of job, money or family Such innocence, I long for you in this cold, cruel winter night.
Here is this world that lies to me since the day I was born and told me to accept the flaws. Life seems to make no sense at all. I have been called a Liar, a thief, unworthy, dishonest, immoral and a person who has no credibility. when I see the past, there are only remorse and failures.
Was I even living? I was taught about the conscience of what is good and bad, I ask now, why I have failed to choose the right which is good and harmonious. I have no fear for anything, when I look back I’m ashamed to be me but that was not me but it was what the world has made me.
Why we regret in making the right decisions:
One might wander who make these Moral laws? Religions are often taken for granted and existentialism give us a chance to see life from a different perspective what if the right is actually wrong and the wrong is actually right! sometimes a bad conscience can make life interesting.
To illustrate read the following Excerpt from “Fyodor Dostoevsky’s Novel “Crime and Punishment” ch:3 part 3 page# 191
That is a very well known phenomena: Zosimov joined in. “sometimes actions are performed very skillfully most cleverly, but the aims of the actions and their origin, are confused, and depend on various morbid influences. it is like a dream”.
My long lasting Melancholy
When I was kid life was so promising and full of hope that Life has the best, happiest days waiting for me as I grow up. But this was not the case nevertheless, I’m forever doomed and drowned in a bottomless abyss. Where should I go for peace. These tormented thoughts are killing me. oh! I’m lost in my own sufferings I don’t think there is any of such thing as fulfillment as proclaimed by all philosophers. I want to live simply and more intimately without much to care and far away from the society where non-intrudes.
Why society fails to provide the individual freedom to live his life as wholly as he wants to, why there is such standardization and systems on which our community runs itself. why do I say that please watch this amazing video I share in the link below.
To understand what is the meaning to life watch the video below:
The Anxiety I endure:
Ah, I wish if I could just stop these breaths that are so heavy and unbearable to take. It has become a void from which I cannot escape. While my heart bleeds, yearns for more and my chest is cracked open from all the sorrows and despair. This sickness that I endure is inevitable. The whole spectrum of society whether family, friends and religion none of it makes any sense.
Darkness loomed around me and I always came home like a damn soul. There is more to life then a good income, marriage, higher social status and the working hours because this is an ordinary life. And I want the extra-ordinary one.
At the end,
A wonderful thought provoking statement by a danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard “Either/or “A fragment of Life”
“How empty life is and without meaning, we bury a man, we follow him to the grave, we throw three spades of earth on him, we ride out in a coach, we ride home in a coach, we take comfort in the thought that a long life awaits us. but how long is threescore years and ten? why not finish it at once? why not stay out there and step down into the grave with him.”