I was seven when I first encounter nihilism. I try to see the world without my own existence as how it would look like or can I perceive a world without my being. Do my worries and fears matters? what is the value of this life that I care so much, if my existence makes no difference. If I will have to die one day then what was the reason of being born? The more I think about it the more depressed I became and usually gave up but like a monster it continued to haunt me till now. I was about to commit the philosophical suicide which refers to accepting life as told by your elders, people around you or your religion, culture and work simply because you live in such a place dominated by these values and norms. I welcome absurdity and decided to run the course of my life by searching for meaning of life.
I always felt like an alien. From an early age I used to ask to many questions to the local mullah (priest) who finally gave up and said to my parents that “I have attention disorder” and I have always been lost when being lectured and it keeps on going in my school life. I was never lost but I begin to ask questions of what others told me instead of accepting It without giving a thought and inquiring to see the other possibilities by asking Why? what if? or How? and In my imagination I have realized how absurd their teachings were.
Art becomes my meaning of life
I thought I’m the only who thinks like that after I read the existential thinkers who gave me a way out simply to accept that life has no meaning. And it is upon us how we gave it a meaning which must be highly personal as in harmony with one’s soul. For some its work or love but for me it was “Art”.
“If there is no God everything is permitted”.
Last night I was riding home from work, I met an old man who went for preaching Islam to Lahore where he was robbed, his clothes, money and possessions everything was taken and was thrown on a road. He said to me the guy was of my age who offered him lunch in which he mixed a drug which makes him unconscious and robs him off.
He said disdainfully: I’m an old man and all I have was an old cell-phone and some books on Islam—-You see my child there is a God then why these things are permitted”. I could see how he felt lonely in his despair.
I looked at his helpless eyes in rage and replied” Have you ever think why these people have no fear of God and if there is really a God? How could he let it happen”. At that instant I could see rebellion in his eyes and the old men replied bluntly, “I obey no moral code, I have no believe in any institution whether political or educational.
The way things are happening in this country reminds of a quote from a Russian novel. all the corruption, murder and injustice.
There is no freedom of thought let alone freedom of speech and expression.
As Dostoevsky wrote in brother Karamazov novel:
“If there is no God everything is permitted”.
We parted and I Began to think for the Artists, writers, scientists and philosophers it was permitted to go against the corrupt religious institutions like church in west and Madrasa’s in Muslim world if you read history, these people challenge their cherished beliefs that is where the age of enlightenment came we call the great “Renaissance”
As Nietzsche wrote:
The earth is free even now for great souls. There many empty seats for the lonesome and the twosome, fanned by the fragrance of open seas.
Working for ones living can never be the meaning of life.
Yet we try to give it a meaning. Thinking having a good earning is key to happiness because we got respect in the society and we try to make a meaning of it in our empty lives. That is where we conform instead of saving our individuality.
The term philosophical suicide used by Albert Camus
We are tired of the same routine. Going to work each day even if we don’t like our jobs because we think we have no other choice. It’s like a punishment by the capitalists. and like the ancient Greek god who was punished for life ploughing a stone up-to the mountains and he was determined to find happiness in his work.
It is at this point when we give away our freedoms, our will and very life to the hands of work. We should live to work not work for living.
A free life is still free for great souls.
where the state ends, there begins the human being who is not superfluous: there begins the song of necessity, the unique and inimitable tune.
There you see getting married and having a respectable place in society is not my thing to do. I rebelled against this notion at an early age. I knew there is more to life than this hideous task of reproduction.
As Zarathustra teaches:
“You shall not only reproduce your-self but produce something higher. But first you must build yourself perpendicular in body and soul. if you’re marring because of the animal instincts or loneliness or lack of peace with yourself then you must first create a creator.”
Ask from the mountains which stands still and look at the human civilization, rushing to get a living, chasing dreams, money all power and wealth from which he will become tired and in his old age will die. Yet the mountains stands there for millions of years, for me stones and oceans make more sense than living organisms.
Revolution comes from inner peace when you no longer tolerate injustice to yourself. when you decide you’re not going to be controlled by the fear of your cultural teachings. It is when we evolve to humanism and remove every bondage we are tied too when born.
Buddha wrote
“Three things cannot be long hidden; the sun, the moon and the truth.”
Once we accept life has no meaning. We became more and more realistic.
Every human I believe at least have experienced this type of existentialist crisis when thy are alone and often neglect it in the barrenness of their busy life.
The Portrait of an Artist 