Why can’t I doubt 2 and 2 makes 4? Why no one can prove their falsity? Is maths truly Godlike phenomenon?

I was reading Descartes meditations where he argued we cannot doubt numbers and mathematical proves just as we cannot doubt our hands and feet and a mind that thinks

What are numbers? Why I feel so insignificant when presented by a square always having equal sides?

Mathematical proofs are like fighting against a wall you cannot fight them but they will destroy you and nullify you.

The reason I hated maths since a kid was being unable to doubt it or to fight its truthfulness instead of subjugating to it like some Mad God commanding his whims ferociously

This is where man finds pleasure in arts and literature and imagination

In a dream 2 and 3 could be other than 5, in a dream like an empty space with no gravity it doesn’t matter if 2 and 2 makes 4

That is why I study philosophy it gives me the ability to doubt, to attack, to find pleasure in ripping of all which claims to be truthful or divine

My reason is my own rebellion against life itself which will eventually make me nonexistent which I already did by conscious endeavor of philosophy

How I wish to be a savage or animal not caring about anything but to live simply and die being born as a thinking being is a curse and worst crime God may have committed on mankind