Once upon a time and it was a very good time, the birds were singing and the sun was setting and the sea was kissing the shores
there was a young man and not only young but very handsome, ambitious and romantic who fell in love
The decline of true love in modern age is inevitable
What happen next was madness
He is still somewhere lost cursing vehemently to young men of his age
Not to fell under the spell of women’s lies
Not to be the dice being played on by there whimsical words
He now walks to and fro in rage and hatred towards Shakespeare and Goethe
He reads famous dialogues of Romeo and Juliet to himself
- “My bounty is as boundless as the sea, …
- “Did my heart love till now? …
- “For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo”
What is the point of all this romanticizing?
Hide your Valentine’s
Say no more
Sorrows of young Werther reborn again
Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day who cares?
What is it that I am suffering tonight? Is it melancholia or delirium?
Foucault talks about mania and hysteria in his book “Madness and civilization”
Foucault states “The Melancholic person suffers and his thoughts are limited to one single object or point of view”
I see such sickness every where almost everyday
Now what to make out of it if not that the whole of mankind is melancholic and delirious
Where is my salvation?
Walking home tonight I saw some houses a church and trees in perfect harmony and peace
Was that really me or my restless soul wandering and wandering late at night on streets?
Was that I who was melancholic not the streets?
It was I who suffers from delirium not the trees or houses?
This “I” was on the heights of despair not the cars passing me by
“ I saw you in my darkest hours”
Why do My heart beats so fast every night?
Why are these nights so long?
Listen to the sound of my heart beat
A gaze follows my shadow
How can I not see my own shadow under the blazing sun?
Why can’t this sun disappear like her memories?
Let no light come near my soul
Close the windows
Shut the doors O insanity
An image often comes to my mind
A women’s Hairs fell on my shoulder
I can even feel her warmth
What to do with you my love?
I wonder if these matters of heart have any cure?
Find me a doctor?
Someone do cure my disease
A night on Valentine’s Day remains locked in my memory
The crowd, the flowers, chocolates, kisses and hugs
A little space in her heart perhaps a little room cost so much
The chatters, clapping and couple dancing
The beating of heart, the bending on knees
Her glass of wine filled with surprises
A shock, a heartache, a breath, a ring, a little drunkness
Some music in the background, some food on the table some excitement in the conversation
Oh penniless heart what to do with you?
Oh nostalgia of dinner table and her voice
Her smile and her eyes
Madness and love on Valentine’s night
The great American night behold
Take another heart break says the American women
Oh Valentine is there anyone who found their love on Valentine’s Day?
Let me know O lovers if you ever found true love
There are certain limits to thinking I assert to the point beyond realms of facts that I am unable to doubt or acknowledge my being
I know the sun is shining but I only know because I can see it, I cannot yet see my own eyes which affirms that the sun exists
For the sun to exist it is important first I must exist who will watch the sun and say “I can see a fireball in sky which we call sun”
Or is it possible that the sun may exist without the need of my existence to approve this truth that the sun do exist?
If I deny my existence what will be the meaning of all this world?
I cannot think about a world without my being as a thinking being?
I touch, I breath, I walk, I feel, I see, I think that I think, I read books, I play with written words, I write blogs, I cannot doubt that I exist
I cannot at the same time admit that I am what I see in the mirror or as others see me or come to know me by conversing?
I could be something more than I am or I could be something less than I am?
Man is rational and at same time irrational
What Buddha achieve was not nirvana but limits to his thoughts
If I sat down under an oak tree that means I cannot think
For thinking requires leisure like the ancient Egyptians
As soon as my bodily needs are gone I move forward to thought process
I acquire or desire that state of mind as soon as I finish my work or school to be able to hold a book in my hands to think and write
Such limits to my thoughts cannot be ignored or undermined under any influence
This Cartesian problem of human beings as a thinking being or subject to knowledge remains a problem to this day
Philosophers have argued that we should be “Men first subjects later.”
Now what does that statement reflects?
Life is thrown at us by others as a mere accident. This accident is my first observation as a living subject of knowledge
First Proposition is this innate and strange accident of birth. We have no control as who should be born or who must not be born but it is a process of nature simply that we are gifted with this life which none of us asked or requested or even given a right to complain at first hand but life is linear only when experiencing it as a child
The world exists as it is already made and build by others and I have no contribution or an opinion in its making as why it is the way it is or why it is not what it should be
The second proposition is the Genealogy of Morals?
From whence we have these moral codes and laws and customs?
As these traditions of history were present even before my birth and I have a right to doubt them as I didn’t make them
Be it God or a King or a states man. I cannot say either I owe my obedience to no one simply because I have not asked for their ideals or benevolence to concern so much about the world and the way of life
Nor can I say I must obey God or president of United States because I happen to be present as a subject under their powers or as non of my present circumstances are of my my own making entirely
Now I can assert that nothing is forbidden and everything is permitted
I am at once free to act in any way I please or wish
I can tell what is good for me or what is bad for me without the need of any intervention by someone be it God or a politician
I can assert that when I put my hand near fire it will burn, I can feel the soreness and warmth and pain
Do I still need someone to warn me about the dangers of Fire or I can feel the danger of fire with my own senses of touch and smell?
In this way my own mind can differentiate and have the ability to judge on its own of what is good and bad for me by mere instincts
Whatever is good or bad is within me not outside my understanding
The logical question is this; should I allow God or any outside power to warn me or teach me about good and evil?
The answer is a simple “No”
Everything comes down to individual perspective and experience
If I am in pain no one understand or is able to comprehend what sort of pain or what pain feels like being me in my body
Same is the way of all morality
I am my own judge and my own avenger
I hung up my own higher laws before any of Gods law or states law
I shall obey my own higher laws before even considering the world of others as Heidegger put it “being for others”
I saw a man in pain sitting in line gnawing his teeth’s and gathering his strength
I saw useless Paperwork’s and mere play of payment options
For they must kept a Record of our data, their end goal is not to relive ones pain but to gather information about human subjects for profiteering
I saw all and I saw nothing and I kept silence
I saw that the purpose of hospitals is to make money out of human suffering and pains
Doctors practice their art for not serving humans to ease their bodily pains but treat them no less than customers
Like every money monger doctors at first hand are nothing but monsters in human flesh
At once I said to this young man
Better Keep yourself away from hospitals and their protocols and meaningless progression of scholastic legal measures and instruments of operation
A man be better off with his pain and suffering than to be handed down to such monstrous creatures we call doctors and specialists
A Cherokee Indian once told me
For they can remedy all their pains by their own knowledge and willingness
For hospitals it is necessary that diseases must exist and man be in pain
Otherwise how else doctors will make money?
Henceforth, mankind has invented more diseases for themselves by making clinics and hospitals than nature ever did
Better to die in pain on the field like a soldier than to rot in an hospital bed
What is pain?
Pain has two forms one is physical and the other is spiritual or emotional
Physical pain like I have right now wants one thing only which is “Suffering and remedy”
This “I” is fully aware of physical pain as it is a sensation, an uncomfortable state of mind
One can hardly function if pain in any physical part of the body overwhelm and take hold
Nor one is able to endure it nor remedy it? Then what should one do?
Either endure the physical pain or take a medicine for remedy
What if the physical pain still persists and one is not able to do even daily chores
Food is on table but one is unable to eat it?
One must think of killing oneself and get rid of any physical pain that last long than a minute or wakes you up in the night
Book is on the table but one is unable to read it?
On the other hand emotional or spiritual pain doesn’t effect body as it functions normally
Where one can at least eat and sleep peacefully
Hence physical pain in any form is impossible to endure
How can Jesus endure such pain on the cross? Me thinks in my own pain and misery
Flee just flee O soul and lose consciousness at once or have the strength to endure and suffer this pain
Last year everything in February was dreamlike, magical and sublime
This year February will be like a tormentor, a disaster, nostalgic and sorrowful
Last year in February I have all a heart of man May desire
This year in February I have nothing except despair
I want to skip month of February and jump to March
I want to Erase February from human history forever
I do not wish to see this Valentine’s Day somebody please come and shoot me
God send another plague and miraculously let me die in February and be raised from the dead in March like Lazarus
Send another great flood similar to Noah and flush all mankind in February
Then in March let man start again afresh and anew like sons of Noah
How can I negate month of February from the calendar?
The Cherokee Indians has named bony moon to the month of February
For me it is rather kagali or bony moon in place of February
now and I must spend next month in some Indian reservation